oh, I thought it was spelled sherbeRt
There are a few flavors I am retarded for and artificial watermelon is one of them. Artificial cherry is another flavor I am retarded for, as well as barbeque and caramel. I had to have artificial watermelon!
I went to the car and drove to the nearest Stop & Drop. I wanted watermelon sherbet, from Friendly�s Ice Cream. I really wanted their watermelon roll. The watermelon roll is a truly disgusting confection shaped to look like watermelon with watermelon sherbet speckled with chocolate chips for seeds, and a lime sherbet shell. It is just plain wrong, but oh so right.
The first Stop & Shop I encountered had a freezer section freshly stocked with ice creams, sherbets, and sorbets. I made my way down to the section where they keep the selection of frozen treats on the Friendly�s line and there was a gap where the watermelon sherbet should have been and the watermelon roll. It looked like dental work that needed a do over. I figured that since they SHOULD have it the other Stop & Drop WOULD have it.
I went to the other Stop & Drop in my town, which is a different ghetto in another part of the city. I still went there, I would not be denied my watermelon flavoring. I needed gas in my car but I decided to tempt fate and keep going. The later it gets the worse the ghetto is. When I got to the other Stop & Drop there were two crowds of teens trying to intimidate each other, I was not bothered by this. I wanted my ice cream.
The other Stop & Drop was neatly stocked but this one looked like it had been attacked by looters. I would not doubt it if they had told me that it had been. I was disappointed, cold from the freezer section exposure, and still denied my sherbet.
I decided to go for broke and try the expensive grocery store in the nicer part of town. I drive my car over there and see an ad for the store by my feet when I get out of my car. I pick it up and see that the sherbet is on sale, buy one and get one free! I could have wet myself.
What do I find when I get to the door? I find the entrance barricaded with grocery carriages. I wanted to scream, this was like something out of a bad dream. Then the troll who pushes the carriages into the door, shafting me of my sherbet drooled and pointed at the propped open exit. I rushed over to the door, in my metro-sexual (read: lesbianonic) sandals, yapping on cell phone. I got to the freezer section and found that they had no watermelon roll but they had the sherbet.
I stood there looking at the freezer case and said to my reflection, �You won�t find a girl much less continue be solicited for bathroom sex with high school boys if you let that unibrow grow in like you�re Frida Kalho.� Edward Norton might find Selma Hayek sexy and Chandler might have impregnated her but I would not have.
Call me a pig if you want, go on ahead, but I find facial hair, penises and testicles to be unattractive.
I grabbed not one, but two, gallons of watermelon sherbet and rushed to the check out because the store was closing, make your final selection and bitch, please! Get out of our store.
You have to have their card to get the sale price. My world was about to devolve into chaos when the manager, bagging for the cashier said that and I shot the woman the evil eye as she was called away by a stock boy. The cashier swiped her store savings card for me and I offered her my first born child, she said thank you was enough � she did not want an ugly child.
All this effort and I get home and I am no longer hungry. There is always breakfast.
