stuff! things! etc!
i once gave a kangeroo a heart attack by staring at it.

Archives

2006-06-30 - Electricity, Electricity!
2006-05-04 - So true.
2006-04-29 - FAA
2006-04-27 - -
2006-04-25 - Little Known Fact: Romans Colonized Jersey
2006-04-25 - Murder and Broccoli
2006-04-24 - Yam Tacos
2006-04-23 - Climbing the Great Wall of Vagina
2006-04-23 - Go Go Financial Hardship Rangers!
2006-04-22 - Olly Olly Oxencart
2006-04-19 - Biding My Time Between Trips to the Grocery Store
2005-07-20 - -
2005-07-11 - In the Year 2000
2005-07-07 - happy birthday to me
2005-06-30 - But in all seriousness...
2005-06-23 - (it's true!)
2005-06-20 - Chilly Beans
2005-06-08 - Wheels Turning Round and Round
2005-01-28 - -
2005-01-28 - -
2005-01-25 - -
2005-01-17 - Today, in Atlantic City, none of your dreams will come true.
2005-01-16 - Pregnant? Fuck!
2005-01-13 - So it's day three in the milk line for you.
2005-01-12 - It's useless now and all you can do is wait for it to turn black and disattach itself.
2005-01-08 - Today, you should go to the Russian Mafia for help.
2005-01-08 - Those fires have to be put out whether your sweetstuff is alive or not.
2005-01-05 - A deal's a deal baby. Can't you be a little more mature about this?"
2004-12-31 - You got set up with a guy with no arms.
2004-12-25 - Tell Wiffles that she never tries to surprise you. That she takes you for granted.
2004-12-22 - Their hoods will rustle, indicating that they're nodding in agreement.
2004-12-18 - Today, he will let a girl know that he likes her by opening up the back of her neck with a trovel.
2004-12-16 - Later tonight, you're torn apart at the sternum by monsters.
2004-12-14 - "You'll give up your own happiness just to keep him from being made the fool."
2004-12-13 - A NEW LIFE IS JUST OFF STARBOARD!
2004-09-13 - He fell in love. (he's thirty-six, you're thirty-eight.)
2004-09-13 - Maybe once a month, you'll both put up a good fight, but both of you would say it's just for old time's sake.
2004-09-08 - -
2004-09-07 - Say, "I want a boy who'll bring something to the table."
2004-12-05 - Listening to the sound of that dance tonight will make you think it's about time you got your GED.
2004-12-04 - Counting down the hours 'til it goes.
2004-12-04 - Counting down the hours 'til it goes.
2004-12-02 - i'm looking at another day to find that i've got nothing to say
2004-11-28 - You're still a little bitter and you shouldn't date yet.
2004-11-27 - In a minute, Brad's going to come out to the fireplace and throw a bag of marshmallows at your head.
2004-11-22 - What he has planned for you, however, is a truly diabolical act of vengeance.
2004-11-21 - -
2004-11-21 - "But what do I get out of it?" you ask. Fuck you.
2004-11-21 - -
2004-11-17 - The pilot says, "I'd like to crash this entire plane just to take you out."
2004-11-16 - -
2004-11-16 - -
2004-11-15 - You had told Marci that you were sick of working hard to make end's meet and you were ready to date a guy who would spend a lot of money on you.
2004-11-13 - By midnight, the three of you were drunk in their room at the hostel.
2004-11-11 - To play Blood Solitaire, open up your left wrist then deal the cards.
2004-11-09 - This morning is cold. It is lonely and mean.
2004-11-08 - Hold Each Other Tight Against The Cold Morning Day!
2004-11-08 - -
2004-11-07 - The song will not specify whether the two clowns work together, or whether they just ignore each other. It will just demand that two clowns be sent in.
2004-11-03 - "Why are you all so miserable?"
2004-11-02 - It's deep autumn and you don't have a boyfriend anymore.
2004-10-31 - Your son will go to the University of Snot.
2004-10-30 - But your choice is limited to bagboys, paperboys, pizza delivery boys, and Keith, your husbandís best friend since college.
2004-10-27 - He pulls on the Dreamcoat (he's playing Joseph).
2004-10-25 - -
2004-10-19 - You should also hold a gun in each hand so that you can aim them at specific stuff you want dead.
2004-10-16 - Fourth, get into a small struggle with the lead guitarist, fall to the ground and cry.
2004-10-16 - "She put her hand into the thresher," you say. "That was that."
2004-10-13 - -
2004-10-11 - The exercise went downhill once Sarah developed an addiction to Percoset.
2004-10-11 - "I'll put my little dyke nose wherever I like," Michelle says.
2004-10-10 - Spritopias/Creepatron 2004
2004-10-09 - Look around your house and check out what materials you have at your disposal to make this the most buzz-worthy suicide that's ever hit the headlines.
2004-10-07 - Two chicks with guns in holsters who want to settle something once and for all walking away from each other for fifty paces, thatís too good to be true.
2004-10-07 - We go under blankets to play Naked War Crimes Tribunal.
2004-10-05 - We go under blankets to play Naked Monster Killer.
2004-10-05 - Please, she'll bite down on her cyanide pill before she lets anything like that happen.
2004-10-04 - "Folks don't know that I'm not only all about conjuring spells and bone-crumbling potions. Of course I am also a very skilled baker."
2004-10-03 - 'Our love is in worse shape than that guy who died today, and it didn't even have to steal a car like he did.'
2004-10-01 - "Hello, 911? I'm on fire!"
2004-09-30 - You feel pretty awful starting work as a paperboy at the age of 33.
2004-09-30 - You didn't know this, because I am very, very quiet, like a kitten who's also been trained as a spy, but I've been watching you all day today and I have only a few notes.
2004-09-30 - Chicks dig confidence and showboats get laid (FACT!).
2004-09-29 - "I am The Masked Paperboy! Every morning I shall bring the news to my fellow townsfolk, anonymously feeding people's hearts and minds with objective facts."
2004-09-29 - -
2004-09-29 - -
2004-09-29 - -
2004-09-28 - -
2004-09-28 - -
2004-09-28 - -
2004-09-27 - -
2004-09-27 - -
2004-09-26 - -
2004-09-26 - -
2004-09-25 - -
2004-09-24 - -
2004-09-23 - Spanish is for suckers.
2004-09-23 - Paul
2004-09-22 - You are what the Spaniards call, "El Terrible"
2004-09-22 - -
2004-09-21 - -
2004-09-21 - -
2004-09-20 - -
2004-09-19 - -
2004-09-18 - -
2004-09-17 - -
2004-09-16 - -
2004-09-16 - -
2004-09-15 - -
2004-09-14 - -
2004-09-14 - -
2004-09-13 - -
2004-09-13 - -
2004-09-12 - -
2004-09-11 - -
2004-09-10 - -
2004-09-10 - -
2004-09-09 - -
2004-09-09 - Sorry, Mark
2004-09-08 - -
2004-09-07 - -
2004-09-07 - -
2004-08-26 - -
2004-08-26 - Charlotte Light and Dark
2004-08-24 - oh, I thought it was spelled sherbeRt
2004-08-23 - Kippdate
2004-08-22 - I'm a Barbie Girl, in the Barbie World
2004-08-21 - Al Gore, on the loose
2004-08-21 - What do you mean by, "we don't have Wawa here?"
2004-08-20 - I've got the power
2004-08-19 - underneath it all
2004-08-18 - Twenty minutes and a nauseating piece of chocolate cake later...
2004-08-17 - Boys can smell fear. "Are you sure you're not thinking of bears?"
2004-08-17 - 32 Flavors of Pain
2004-08-16 - All I wanted thsi morning was a fucking bagel.
2004-08-15 - Poor, poor Conan.
2004-08-15 - Everyone calls me Freak Show.
2004-08-14 - "The gown's on the ground. Your move doctor."
2004-08-13 - Cross the line and come home in time for 60 Minutes.