In the Year 2000

Every once in awhile I get these large compilation mixes that are the Billboard Top 100 hits of a certain year (in mp3 format). Going through them is always fun because you get a lot of songs you never would've thought to download personally but still enjoy. Unfortunetely, you also end up with a lot of rap, R&B, and other assorted weird stuff that you've (mostly I've) never heard before.

Last night I just sifted through the Top 100 of 2004 and in the good stuff department ended up with 'Redneck Woman' by Gretchen Wilson (which I really like, regardless of the fact that I am not a sister out there keepin it country), 'On the Way Down' by ugly hair spaz Ryan Cabrera, and that Jet song 'Are You Gonna Be My Girl.' All classics, and well, if not entirely classics, just songs that I think are great and am glad to have.

I also ended up with Christina Milan's 'Dip It Low,' which I think is alright because it is catchy regardless of the fact that it confounds me to no end. While I would like to take sex advice from her (which is what the song is about), the vagueness and overall weirdness just sorta creeps me out. First, she advises that you make him wait, which makes some sense. She is laying a trap here--she makes you think the rest of this is going to be coherent at all. After you've determined that 'he's a good boy / I mean a really really good boy' you go for it. Alright, so step two is apparently treat him like a dog (good boy, goooood boy, fetch mama the bone--HAHA that came out way pervier than I was intending. Moving on). 'Let him lay with you' which, ok, is somewhat Biblically creepy but you figure she's going somewhere with this. Here is the actual chorus lyrics:

Dip it low
Pick it up slow
Roll it all around
Poke it out let your back roll
Pop pop pop that thing
Ima show you how to make your man say "Ooo"

...

I don't think any man has ever said 'OOO' after this combination because I have no idea which parts go where and I'm not sure that anyone else that has ever heard this song could interpret it without a diagram or a similar series of charts. What am I dipping low? What am I picking up? 'Poke it out'? What? What? WHAT? You showed me nothing, Christina! This sounds more like car maintenance and repair than sex to me.

Anyway, I've spent the better part of an hour drawing crude diagrams in my head trying to figure out what's going on and I've given up so I should probably get back to work. In other news: Fantastic Four is four flavours of suck. I should've known better than to see a movie wherein Jessica Alba is prominently featured--I truly believe she is retarded. Anyway, it sucks, but go see it just because Julian M(a)cMahon is a babe.