This morning is cold. It is lonely and mean.

But in the face of necessity, courage, and responsibility, I am copping out. I am overstressed and the stress turns to fear and the fear in turn makes me incapacitated and brimming with anxiety. I know what I HAVE to do I just can't bring myself to do it.

How did I get like this? Why did I never learn how to cope? What is this mess, this perpetual sea of holes I am living in?

I can't take it here. I can barely take myself. I think I'm going to throw up.