I've got the power

Yesterday, in a surprise to no one, I went to IKEA. I needed to get some new dishes, glasses, and organizers for my apartment. Buying superfluities of organization is just as good as being organized in my book, and all the people who see you in line at IKEA say to themselves, �Look at that Metro-sexual go! He is so organized, I wish I had my act together like he does!� More than likely they are thinking, �Look at that troll, he should diet.� I hope to God (or whatever demon you worship) that my ugly mug is on someone�s buzz net.

Organizing equipment does not make your organized, it makes you feel organized, and ultimately that is what is really important. It is like buying the exercise video from Jane Fonda (traitor, bitch). You feel like you are improving your health just by owning it. I however do not support her and neither should you.

While I was at IKEA I picked up the last set of one-dollar cork trivets. I was not sure that I needed more, but it was a dollar so I thought, �what the hell.� Twice during my trip around the rest of IKEA Marketplace this person tried to take the trivets out of my car while my back was turned. The first time I gave them what my God Mother, Stella, calls the �Skunk Eye,� we call it her, �Evil Eye.� Her evil eye will cause someone to meet a quick and ugly demise. You might not die from meeting her ire, more than likely your crime will bring you a punishment that will leave you suffering for years. He put the trivets back.

One man who was rude to her in K-Mart had his house stormed by a gang of teenagers; they broke his back in three places. My other aunt and uncle who do not like Stella pissed her off and had his car break down in Okalahoma City two days later, in the ghetto on a hot August day. Another person who pissed her off was walking away from her backwards and said, �Whatever, you stupid whore.� As whore passed his lips, he stepped, barefoot onto a rusty nail that went right through his foot. I saw the first one on the news, heard about the second one for years at family gatherings, and witnessed the third first hand. She gave the eye and he stepped on the nail. There are other stories but Homiletics Class says: �three good examples only.�

I have been practicing my evil eye as well, hoping to harness Stella�s powers for my own purposes. She claims she has no powers; the evidence is overwhelming that she does indeed have powers. I am no fool. I used my eye on that thief and felt disappointed that I would not be there to see what would happen to him.

Back to IKEA Marketplace. It had entered into my into my mind that I did not need the trivets and I was going to return them to the basket where I had found them. Then I saw something shiny and was distracted. That is the second time I caught him trying to steal my trivets I gave him the eye again and said, �Put them back, or I will stomp you.� He dropped the trivets, and slinked off.

I was happy to note that after his evil doing I saw justice done. Everything at IKEA is in boxes, and you put it together yourself. Some of the boxes are heavy and one of those boxes fell on the foot of the person who tried to steal my trivets. That is what you get for trying to take something I do not want anyway. You get a broken foot.

On the way home I rocked it to, �I�ve got the power� because I�ve [sic] got the bad taste in music, and the power.

Check Buzz Net for real time, Kipp Coverage of her rocking the voyage west